Steve Owens’ Tattoos Confirmed to Be Alien Communication Blueprint, Scientists Say

1. 1. Steve Owens’ Tattoos Confirmed to Be Alien Communication Blueprint, Scientists Say

July 11, 2025 – Boise, ID

In a bizarre turn of events, Steve Owens — a 37-year-old forklift operator from Boise — has been declared “the most accidentally important man on Earth” after scientists confirmed that the tattoos covering his body form an exact replica of an alien communication system first intercepted by NASA in 1982.

What started as a simple sleeve tattoo of dragons, barbed wire, and his grandmother’s spaghetti recipe has now spiraled into an international sensation. Researchers at the SETI Institute (Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence) claim that Owens’ inked body may hold the key to decoding messages from intelligent life outside our solar system.

“This is no coincidence,” said Dr. Eloise Tran, a leading astrobiologist. “The symbols on Owens’ back exactly match the unexplained frequency patterns picked up by the Arecibo telescope before it shut down. We always believed they were extraterrestrial. We just never thought they’d reappear… on some guy’s ribs in Idaho.”

Owens, who got most of his tattoos for “a mix of good vibes and bad decisions,” says he had no idea they meant anything. “I just told my tattoo guy I wanted something that looked like tribal space math. I guess I nailed it.”

What he thought were abstract shapes — like the spiraling maze on his chest and the “creepy pyramid-eyeball combo” on his forearm — have now been identified as Galactic Positioning Coordinates, binary message ports, and a detailed blueprint of interstellar sound frequencies.

“It’s either genius or the most cosmic accident in the history of mankind,” said Dr. Tran. “Or both.”

The tattoo artist responsible, a man known only as “Laser Dave,” reportedly hasn’t been seen in weeks. According to his former coworkers at Inkfinity Studios, he once claimed to have “a dream about glowing space beings whispering secrets” and then disappeared after finishing Steve’s final tattoo — a glowing spiral on the back of his neck that, under blacklight, resembles a wormhole vortex.

Since the news broke, Owens has been visited by representatives from NASA, the U.S. Space Force, and two unidentified men in suits who spoke only in monotone and refused to blink.

“I told them all the same thing,” said Owens. “If my tattoos are from aliens, that’s cool. But I’m not going to Mars unless they let me bring my dog and a six-pack.”

The internet has exploded with theories, fan pages, and memes. One Twitter user wrote: “Steve Owens is the chosen one. We must protect him at all costs.” Another asked, “So do aliens like barbed wire tattoos or…?”

As for Owens, he’s taking it all in stride. “If these aliens are out there, I just hope they’re chill,” he said. “Maybe they’ve got better tattoo ink. Mine’s starting to fade.”

Whether he’s an unwitting messenger of the stars or just the recipient of the most coincidental ink job in human history, one thing is certain: Steve Owens is now officially out of this world.